He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I lost the right to judge tonight
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
