Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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