Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
