I didn't shave. On purpose
You can't motorboat a personality
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
