Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
