Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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