I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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