sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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