Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
