Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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