i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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