DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have fence marks all over my body
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I touched a dick in church today
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
