wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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