This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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