How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
