Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
