just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's always time for handjobs
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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