I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
