FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
