Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
