i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
What a dumb baby whore.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
