Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
