actually, I'm a sock model
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
