Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
