She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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