Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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