I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
