Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
third nipple confirmed
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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