We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
