Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
