She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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