i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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