Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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