im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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