mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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