But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
