Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
