I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
