Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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