Duck Duck Cougar?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
