Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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