At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
