I don't usually arrange sex via text message
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
