you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
