Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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