believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
