I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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