: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
