I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
