Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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