Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
